50 RULES GAY MEN SHOULD LIVE BY

1. Call.
2. Don't lie.
3. Never tape any of his body parts together without permission first.
4. If a night out with your friends is going to be fun, invite your boyfriend.
5. If a night out with your friends is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting.
6. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."
7. Ditto for "Is he cuter than me?"
8. Calvin Klein is good. Pleasure Chest is bad-Maybe. Check first.
9. Ordering for him is good. Telling him what he wants is bad.
10. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
11. "Honey", "Darling", and "Sweetheart" are good. "Bitch" is bad.
12. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.
13. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.
14. None of your ex-boyfriends were ever nicer, cuter, or better in bed.
15. His cooking is excellent.
16. That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
17. Dishsoap is your friend.
18. Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap,and warm does not equal clean.
19. Buying him dinner does not equal foreplay.
20. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.
21. Ditto for "Whose number is this?"
22. Two words: clean socks.
23. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're drunk.
24. Burping is not sexy.
25. You're wrong.
26. You're sorry.
27. He's probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think he is.
28. Ditto for your discourse on work.
29. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.
30. "Will you move in with me?" is good. "I have a roommate. Let's just do it here in the car" is bad.
31. Don't assume Prozac can cure every bad mood.
32. Don't assume other men doesn't exist.
33. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything he feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.
34. "But, we kiss..." is not justification for using his toothbrush.
You don't clean plaque with your tongue.
35. Never let him go home alone after 11pm.
36. Chivalry and macho are NOT mutually exclusive.
37. Pick him up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.
38. If you want to break up with him, break up with him. Don't act like a complete jerk until he does it for you.
39. Don't tell him you love him if you don't.
40. Tell him you love him if you do. Often.
41. Always, always suck up to his friends.
42. Think boxer briefs.
43. Calvin Klein boxer briefs.
44. Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" he so-names.
45. Don't try to change the way he dresses.
46. His haircut is never bad.
47. Don't let your friends pick on him.
48. Call.
49. Don't lie.
50. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question.